Ice Cream Dreams

So, waaaywaaay back, Ia friend of mine, gave some lucky mofo the best Atlanta Dome he ever received…with a mouth full of ice cream.  The ice cream melted quickly, but that was the only thing that got soft that night!  Little did Imy friend know, but she was thiiiiis close to stumbling across a cure for AIDS.  A group of scientific-type bitches have discovered that an ingredient found in ice cream, cosmetics & breast milk (GLB) holds the potential to block the AIDS virus.  It’s very inexpensive, and, if human trials don’t cause women to grow a third leg then it will be available to the public the world over.  So, in the meantime ladies: put on your best lipstick, shove in a scoop full of ice cream then proceed to suck & tittay-fuck your way to almost-discovering a cure.  If nothing else, at least your man is sure to have ice cream dreams for years to cum come…

my favorite movies to quote

My best friend and I often respond to one anothers daily bullshit mishaps with movie quotes. It’s our own way of turning something seemingly maddening into something entertaining. Sometimes you just gotta do shit to get you by. And I know we’re not the only ones who do it because I see quotes fly through twitter on a regular basis. So here are my top ten go-to movies for quotables (in no particular order)

1. Friday
There are so many in here that I can damn near recite the entire
movie backwards. I used to watch this movie everyday in college.
The most used are “I know you don’t smoke but I’m gonna get you
high today” “The weed be lettin ya know” “Weed comes from the
earth” “Who is THAT bitch” “You ain’t got to lie Craig, you ain’t
got to lie”
2. Coming To America
This one is chock full of good ones too from the song, “she’s my
queeeeeeeeen” to “sexual chocolate”
3. Boomerang
Remember the part when Halle Berry and David Grier were saying
good night after their date and they’re going back and forth? I
rattled off that foreign line that she used at this dude after a date
one time and he looked at me like I had just gone completely
apeshit. I hate dudes that have no sense of humor…
4. White Chicks
“I’m about to have a BF” (bitch-fit) was most commonly used at
my last job and it came in handy quite a bit.
5. Pulp Fiction
Sam Jackson was throwin ‘em out in this one. There is no music
sweeter to my ears than to hear him yell and say MOTHAFUCKA
Also, “let’s not start sucking each others dicks quite yet” I get a
lot of people with that one when they get all excited over silly
shit.
6. Belly
I gave this chick the speech one day that T-Boz gave Keisha and
while I was glad that she got the reference, she still continued to
date the clown. Message completely lost. But I also love to use
“What the fuck is wrong with this nigga? That’s your man, that’s
your man” when someone has an idiotic friend.
7. Office Space
The “Oh Face” definitely. No explanation necessary.
8. Pineapple Express
“Time to suck today’s dick” is always good for a Monday morning

This is a song reference but I used it frequently when me and my girls
are on our way to the club…

GET YO AZZ IN THE CAR BITCH… (c) Too Short HA!

Please feel free to share your quotables as I will be needing them in my daily life

keri hilson’s diss track – “turnin me off” remix

I heard this yesterday on V-103 and I wasn’t going to post it because I truly can not stand diss tracks.  It is so late 90′s to me and it will never push me to buy an artist’s upcoming cd.  I am surprised that this is coming from Keri Hilson who seems to be very mild-mannered and should not have to resort to such means.  But like she said, she just had some shit to get off her chest.  Everyone thinks it is intended for Beyonce and Ciara.  Ciara I could see because she has written many songs for her. but Beyonce?? That would be completely out of left field.  Not that I’m completely jocking Beyone, but Keri does not have enough ammunition to go at that one.  But she has also written many songs for The Pussycat Dolls so it could be them too.  At any rate she’s still one of my faves out there doing it so…

LISTEN TO IT HERE

harlem heights – not really impressed

So there was a lot of hype around this new series on BET, Harlem Heights.  I’m not going to lie, I was slightly interested, mostly because it’s fakereality tv and also because I was impressed with the show Somebodies. I figured they were onto some new stuff and that from here on out, they would put out quality content.   The only time I actually watch BET is on Saturday’s when I’m getting ready for the day and they’re showing reruns of Keyshia Cole’s show and to watch Baldwin Hills (I know, I know).  I most definitely can’t do 106th and Park.  I can’t believe that they’re still on the air, or at least Roxie.  But back to the subject at hand…I was led to believe that this would be a refreshing look at sensible, young black men and women trying to make it in life.  I was proud that there would be a proper representation of us on the air and was eager to see what professions they were pursuing and to see what their daily life in New York was like.  That was about 3 weeks ago.  Since then, I quickly forgot about it.  But I got home from work last night and flipped through the station and lo and behold, there it was.  I tuned in 15 minutes after it started.  Keep in mind that I watched both episodes half-heartedly.  On the opening episode one of the characters is having some heart wrenching conversation with his Dad about getting his shit together because life is pretty much hopeless after age 30.  OUCH.  It was a rather yawn-inducing scene so I walked out and came back in on the presidential election results.  This was the turning point for me.  Granted, the election of President Obama was indeed emotional and monumental and what have you, but to see these chicks falling on the floor and crying hysterically was a bit too much for me.  I love a little bit of drama in my life, but they were on the next level with this one.  I turned the station and turned back again to see there was a second episode.  This one focused primarily on the chick who used to date Kanye – Brooke Critterdon who I actually think may be pretty cool until she’s side by side with her ghettofab friend, Brianna.  Brianna is like the chick who needs to keep up appearances because she may not have anything else going on in her life.  At any rate Brooke and the worst chick on the show – Ashlie, apparently fell out because Brooke changed after dating Kanye which just sounds like high-school jealousy to me.  I mean, wouldn’t you change just a little bit after dating a celebrity?  You might be exposed to some new shit in life or you might feel a little more motivated to do more with your life.  So be it, but Ashlie strikes me as a chick who was a nobody in junior high and high school and suddenly became half-decent looking and started feeling herself a little too much.  It’s like watching someone who is doing a minute-by-minute photo shoot.   She’s always posing and batting her eyes and drawing out her words.  She makes me want to punch her in her throat.  The only character I actually like is the dude, Jason.  He looks like he’s grimy as hell but he seems to be intelligent and wants to do the right things in life.  Overall, I probably won’t be watching this shit again.  BET, please try again.

The Thing About Diddy

video courtesy of mtv.com

It’s no secret that I relish in fake reality drama-rific television shows and MTV’s “Making The Band” has always been one of my faves.

In my humble observations, it is beyond me why people continue to entrust Diddy with their musical dreams and aspirations.  There is no denying the fact that he is a beast in the boardroom.  He’s been part of many successful albums and careers such as Biggie, Total, 112, Mase, The Lox, Black Rob, Carl Thomas and so on.  But where are these acts now?  Biggie is dead; who knows about Total; Mase found God; The Lox are still pushin I guess.  But the point is that Diddys uses the initial success of these artists, gets them all pumped up into thinking they will retire off this shit and then all of a sudden you can’t find out why your phone calls aren’t being returned or why your music isn’t being released or why you can’t get out of your bullshit azz contract.  Diddy is the music devil.  How many times have we heard accusations of him stealing others ideas and using them as his own or taking credit for things which he had nothing to do with?  And yet, dude still stands.

But this is not to say that working for/with Diddy is a bad thing.  You just have to know how to work it to your advantage.  If I had time to sit and think long enough, I can think of a few acts that have gotten out of his grasp and have continued to greatness. Mary J. Blige comes to mind first.  She worked extensively with him on her first two albums and still she stands.

At any rate last week’s episode of the newest season of MTB finds Dawn and Aundrea wondering about their future now that Danity Kane is all fallen to pieces.  Diddy keeps asking them what the hell is going on and what they want to do about it.  At first listen it sort of seems like he really cares.  He’s smiling and sort of chuckling and shit.  But then it happens.  The devil comes right up out of him.  He looks at them and says:

as a businessman I’m not letting nobody out of their contracts…it’s not about to be other record company’s taking advantage of the situation and the way ya’ll actin and affectin my business…I don’t give a fuck…this is a business.

lmao  and don’t get me wrong, I totally see what he’s saying it’s just funny that they really thought they had input on the situation.  I guess this is how Diddy stays winning.  And as much as the blogosphere stays hating on Aubrey O’Day she stays winning too.  She was seizing opportunities long before the demise of her group.  She’s always been the most talked about in the group and now she’s on the cover of Playboy.  I see more reality tv in her future and maybe even a crappy movie role.

I’m just anxious for Diddy’s doomsday.  The devil won’t stay winning.  Maybe Cassie can put out some sort of diss song about him; that is, if she hasn’t already gotten sucked in like Kim Porter did.  SMH

New Video: “Dead and Gone” T.I. feat. Justin Timberlake

video courtesy of mtv.com

These two make a good team and after much thought I can see why this was his song of choice for the Grammy’s. I think most people wanted to see him perform “Live Your Life.” But for that type of crowd and with his impending jail sentence, this song was much more appropriate.  And I’m so glad to see more of our hip hop artists being more creative with their videos.

And that is soooo my dream car, with a fuchsia racing stripe of course!

what i don’t want for valentine’s day

First and foremost, it should be known that I don’t necessarily believe in Valentine’s Day.  If you love me, you should love and show me that you love me every day of the year, not just one designated day.  Don’t get me wrong though.  I am not one to turn down affection and gifts.  I’m just saying.  But if this marketing day must be celebrated, here are some gifts that I will not tolerate:

1. Lingerie

This is something that I could buy on my own if it really catches my eye.  And then it’s not even really a gift for me. It’s what you want to see me in and even so, it’s just going to be ripped from my body 5 seconds after it touches my skin so what’s the point?  Besides, I already know that my man likes me in nothing but red, 6-inch peep toe, patent leather pumps and a belly chain. ’nuff said

2. Flowers/Roses/Any type of floral bouquet

Flowers are beautiful and whatnot but I have no idea what to do with them.  They’re only good for the show-off value – like if they were delivered to me at work or something.  Otherwise, expect them to be dead and smelling up my house within 2 days.  Pointless.  But I will go for one of those edible floral bouquets, the ones that are made up of fruit like strawberries and pineapples.

3. Chocolates/Candy

Pretty much follows the same line of reasoning as #2.  This is really only good if you’re in high school.  Then it’s pretty much expected.  Every year in high school I would receive at least two of those humongoid chocolate chip cookie shaped hearts.

4. Teddy Bears and Balloons

Once again, only good for high school.  This is only acceptable to me today if there is a diamond  pendant draped around it’s fuzzy head.  Otherwise, expect for me to give it to my 3-year old daughter to play with.  And balloons are just an annoyance, especially if they’re delivered to you and you have to walk them to your car, hitting dozens of people along the way and then stuff them in the back seat of your car only to have them floating all over the damn place that you can’t even see straight.

5. Dick

This is the most important of all.  I don’t understand why people think this is a gift.  This is something that should be given to me on a very frequent basis.  But don’t confuse this with the fact that I don’t want it.  Of course I do.  I’m just saying, don’t thrown on some silky azz boxers and then present it to me like it’s something I’ve never had before.

So after all is said and done, this is what I would really enjoy for Valentines’ Day:

1. Some nice azz headphones for my ipod.  I hate the earbuds that they always come with because they do not stay in my ear.

2. Graduate school tuition.  No need to question that one

3. A trip out of the country.  Show me some shit I’ve never seen before.

4. An authentic Gucci bag or Chanel.  I would say Louis Vuitton but with all the fakies out there no one will ever really know if it’s real or not.

5. Jewelry is always a safe bet.  Always.

Album Releases I Don’t Mind Spending My Money On

Admittedly, I don’t buy as much music as I used to, let alone listen to a lot of new and underground artists as much as I used to.  But every once in awhile, someone will catch my ear enough for me to want to support their career.  I am pretty much a loyal fan.  Once I buy your first album and I love it,  I will more than likely buy all albums after that first one.  For instance, I have bought every single album for Outkast, Mary J. Blige, NaS, Jay-Z, Keyshia Cole and so on.  And as the years move on and on, what I’ll buy from the store or download from iTunes gets more and more scarce.  And it’s not even that I don’t like much of what’s out there; it just takes a lot more for me to want to spend my money on it.  So for what is supposedly coming out this year, this is where my money will be spent

Keri Hilson

Being that I love to write, I appreciate any artist that writes not only for others, but for themselves.  I first heard of Keri a few years ago when production clique The Clutch were going strong.  They had written for Ciara, Bobby V., Mary J. Blige, Britney Spears and others.  I heard a lot of unreleased material from her during this time.  She’s a talented writer and has a nice voice.  And with the recent shenanigans of Rihanna’s career,  this is a perfect time for her to get in.

Big Boi

Who knows when Sir Lucios Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty will be released but I will be first in line (or online) to purchase it.  Though I am not overly impressed by the recently relased “Ringtone” I did like the joint with Mary J., “Sumthin’s Gotta Give.”  Gyant over at SOHH Atlanta said that he heard the entire album and revealed that every track is on point.  And I’m not surprised.  Outkast always switches up their style from album to album all the while staying lyrically consitent.

Lily Allen

Lily Allen is just comical to me.  Not comical in the sense that she’s an idiot but comical in the sense that she’s a true bad azz yet a talented writer.  At first listen, you would think her melodic songs are sweet and syrupy but listen closer – she’s actually talking shit and I love it.  The song from her newest release, “Not Fair” is about a guy who can’t get her off no mater what.  Who can’t appreciate a good song about that?

J. Holiday

Even though “Bed” is nearly two years old, I can still listen to it back to back today.  His voice is sexy and strong and I enjoyed most of the cuts on his debut, Back of My Lac’. I’ve seen a few of his live performances and he gives a great show.  This is another album that has been pushed back numerous times but it is supposedly going to be a March release

Ryan Leslie

See previous post, Dope Boy: Ryan Leslie

Dr. Dre

I don’t know when the hell Detox is supposed to drop but I’ll definitely get it simply on the strength that it’s Dre.  How could you not buy it?  The beats are going to be crazy and the guest list will be endless.  And he’s been working on it for like 5 years.  So best believe it will be the shit.

And a few mabye’s:

Bobby Valentino

Adele

B.O.B.

Asher Roth

Dope Boy – Ryan Leslie

When I first heard the name Ryan Leslie it was in reference to the cute chick who can’t sing or dance, Cassie who was discovered in a club as she was rapping to some Biggie song or something.  He was amazed to see someone so attractive who knew of something so grimy and hardcore.  So he hollered at her – musically of course.  Then came the hit “Me & You” which was a hot song, no doubt.  At any rate, I envisioned this Ryan Leslie character to be some old head perv that just wanted to hit.  But lo and behold, he is something like a phenomenon.  I like all songs he has put out thus far, especially “Addicition.”  The lyrics and concepts of his songs, the production and even his videos are from what is seen on tv and heard on radio.  You can’t even put a category on his music.  You can’t classify him as rock, pop or rnb.  Then I saw his new video the other day, the rock version of “How It Was Supposed To Be” and that solidified my appreciation of him.  On top of that, he went to Harvard at the age of 15.  How dope (and sexy) is that?

Katie Couric’s Full Interview with Lil Wayne

Things I learned from watching Lil Wayne’s interview with Katie Couric:

1. Lil Wayne not only uses autotune when he raps, he also uses it when he speaks.  Why must he sound like that?

2. He changed his name from DeWayne to Wayne because he was named after his father who wasn’t around.  In his mind, this permanently eliminates his father.

3.  He is a gangster.  He does not ask questions.  He does what he wants.

4. He clearly did his homework before going in to this interview.  Note his ‘intellectual’ stance – hand resting underneath his chin, perfect posture, uses facial expressions to add emphasis.

5. He has custom made balls heehee

6.  He is no longer ‘addicted’ to syrup.  Good dodge (sorta)

7.  His weed usage is strictly medicinal…for his migraines.  uh huh

8.  He gets irate when it is suggested that he is a role model and is therefore influential to his kids and other kids.

9.  Did we know that he doesn’t write his rhymes down?

But shits and giggles aside, this was a pretty cool interview.  I gest used to hearing the same old same and some of this stuff was kinda new to me.  By the way, if you really know who’s gangsta, check this out.